Today is FRIDAY, THE 13TH.
Amazingly, it's already the second Friday the 13th this year (we had one in January).
And there'll be another in July.
Ooooh, baby...
OK, this one time at a Fangoria convention, I was waiting in line to get Sean S. Cunningham's autograph. There was a couple in front of me: a doughy middle-aged man and his much-younger girlfriend.
And when this guy handed Cunningham a Jason Voorhees action figure to get signed, the Friday the 13th creator growled, "I don't play with fuckin' dolls."
Flustered, the fan laughed, "I don't either, but..."
"But-but-but... grow a pair of balls, you fat shit... you shit monkey," Cunningham stuttered mockingly.
Before the humiliated convention-goer could reply, the director lunged over the table and pawed one of his girlfriend's breasts. Mortified, the woman recoiled violently -- causing Cunningham to tear her blouse.
The air went out of the crowded convention hall in one collective gasp.
Upping the ante, Cunningham started rocking back and forth on his feet, drunkenly screaming:
"Last House on the Left,
Deep-Star-Six,
That bitch's pretty mouth
Was built for suckin' dicks!"
That was pretty much when security closed in, and hurriedly escorted the filmmaker out of the stunned room before a riot broke out.
See you soon!
PS - Obviously, NONE OF THAT EVER HAPPENED. Sean S. Cunningham is a kind and gracious guy who happily signed my DVD copy of the original Friday the 13th.
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